News about someone’s passing, such as the recent news of the untimely death of Brittany Murphy, can bring up thoughts of loss in your own life. And, around the holidays, such feelings can become more intense. As with close friends, the passing of a roommate can be extremely difficult - even if you are no longer roommates.
Recently, I saw a client who was in a horrible car accident one year ago as a college freshman. His best friend and roommate died in the crash. In counseling my client, it struck me of how one would cope with such a tragic event. Certainly, there are many variables associated with one’s reaction to such a terrible occurrence, such as the length of the roommate relationship, the circumstances under which a roommate died and one’s social support network, among others.
As with any type of loss, there are the typical stages of grief one experiences as outlined by Elizabeth Kubler Ross. These stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. More than just knowing the typical stages one might experience, though, it is also important to recognize that grief is experienced differently by all who encounter loss. Knowing that everyone grieves differently can, by itself, ease some of the pressure of the process.
My recommendations for those who suffer a loss are to secure a support system immediately (such as a support group, counselor or close friends), reach out for help and recognize that it may take some time to “recover.” While doing so, you need to expect that many areas of your life will be impacted - you will experience a wide ranger of emotions, and many of those can interfere with other life and academic responsibilities. Go easy on yourself through this process and don’t create emotional expectations or milestones.
Just know that, whatever you may feel, it is normal and, over time, will pass. Professional help should be explored if the initial symptoms do not wane over time. Most importantly, surround yourself with others as the grief process should never be experienced alone.
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What a great resource!