Sure, you’d love to have your friends stay with you when she moves to the city and looks for her own apartment. It sure sounds like fun - just like old times when you were roommates back in school.
And yes, splitting rent with someone is great, but fast-forward a few weeks or months. Having sheets and blankets on your couch constantly, tripping over luggage and sharing a tiny bathroom (that only you clean) gets old. How do you tell your guest that she needs to get out?
If you were looking for a list of subtle tips to get your point across, look somewhere else. You’ve likely tried all of the restrained, gentle messages, like, “Hey, any luck finding an apartment?” No, there is only one way to handle the permanent guest situation: head on.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that you can’t do it with compassion and concern. You can, but it will also involve a deadline.
Here’s what you do.
- Man up. No, this won’t be easy. You need to stand your ground.
- Tell your ‘roommate’ that, as much as you love her, you need to get your apartment back to yourself and you would like her to move out as soon as possible. Let her know that you feel this is the only way to save your friendship.
- Ask her what is a reasonable date for her to move out. Don’t let this be past the next first-of-the-month. Write the agreed date on the calendar.
- Ask if you can help her - and do it. Just remember, this isn’t your issue, so you shouldn’t have to do everything.
- Don’t lend her money - no matter how much you want her out. Period.
- Ask everyday how she is coming finding her new place. This constant questioning will force the issue.
- The week before the deadline, bring home boxes for her.
When the date comes, if she hasn’t moved, you will need to make a choice. You can kick her to the curb (pack her box and change the locks), knowing that you will lose a friend. Or, you can start all over again. Hey, we didn’t say it was fool-proof.
