Unless you’ve mastered the art of shape-shifting or possessing someone else’s body, you don’t know what it’s like to be someone else, and it can be difficult to see yourself as others see you. In a shared living situation this concept gets put under a microscope. When you’re essentially stuck to an apartment-shaped tandem bike with someone day in and day out, you’re going to notice every obscene detail about them. At some point, one of you is going to turn into “that guy.” You know the one. The person in your group of friends that no one really wants around. The person who is seemingly oblivious to how annoying/disgusting/parasitic he or she is, then wonders why you didn’t make him or her the best man/maid of honor at your wedding. If you don’t think you have “that roommate,” then you might be who I’m talking about. As a recovered “that roommate,” I’ve deemed myself worthy to compile a list of red flags for use as self-reflective tools and warning signs. These are the people you want to steer clear of — or, if you recognize these traits in yourself, fix immediately:
The Slob
The slob and the mooch fall into the same bracket. These types of people have the unique ability to incite some of the most passive aggressive horror on this side of the border. This person very well may be the nicest person in the world, but that doesn’t make up for his or her abhorrent lack of hygiene or disregard for property.
As someone whose cleanliness habits see-saw between those of a feral cat and Martha Stewart, I’ve been on both sides, and the best way to handle it is to make it fun. If you just spent your precious free time doing a deep clean and come home to wax spilled on the window treatments (guilty) and a half eaten pot-pie that was left out during ant season, don’t blow a gasket. Instead let your inner comic come out and confront your roommate with a jolly wit. “So, I didn’t realize we were conducting a study on how quickly mold grows” usually does the trick.
The “Whoa is Me”
This person can be the cleanest, most upstanding citizen in the world, but he or she has the victim complex soundtrack playing in his or her head non-stop. When you come home from school or work, you pray to God that someone didn’t look at him the wrong way or send her the wrong text message. Even the slightest provocation in this persons life forces you into a situation where you’re expected to play therapist. Not only is it a time-suck, it’s a killjoy, and these people never seem to take your advice and make positive changes anyway.
Having been the person who actually made a Facebook event titled “2008′s Woah is Me Party,” I’ve had those moments where a “rut” never seems to pass, and it bleeds to those around you. Although the “tough love” approach tends to make people mad, coddling just validates their behavior. Stick to a template like “I’m sorry, that sounds tough. I am not in a position to fix this for you, but here are some resources.” Then direct him or her to a website that has some expert life advice. This way, you look like you care enough to do something kind on his or her behalf yet you establish yourself as someone he or she shouldn’t bother about petty things. Win win.
Guest Post by Carolyn Thurman. Carolyn is so glad she quit her job as a waitress and became a full-time freelance writer.
